Yo yo yo this is how it went down
20 funky niggas and one spikey-haired clown
Cedarville all up against da wall
Lined up biggest ta small
One at a time equals two later
Ain't no room in this room for DL haters
Watch out for Dennison
When he roll up he be menacin'
Gonn' whip out his lil' white dick
Too small even for a tiny tick
What you gonn' do
When you got genitals in yo hands?
Throw 'em up, throw 'em up!
Like a muthafuckin' trophy!
You know when it come to suckin' D
Ain't none better than Marky D
He taken more than a few
Make a nigga say "Woo Hoo!"
Munchin' on cocks
Like they is Doritos
Suckin' harder than a swarm
Of AIDS-infected mosquitoes
Elbow poppin', snot gaggin'
Cock slurpin', asshole saggin'
His throat be full and quiet
But his big white booty do all the talkin'
He open his man-pussy lips
And da niggas stick they Glock in
The pipe burn hollow
Marky D in da lead
Niggas they follow
Ready fo' da Double-D
Jimmy's are fo' losers
Spit 'n blood's fo' winners
They see dat red-pink asshole
Bust all they nuts in 'im
(Everybody say)
What you gonn' do
When you got genitals in yo hands?
Throw 'em up, throw 'em up!
Like a muthafuckin' trophy!
A muthafuckin' trophy!
A muthafuckin' trophy!
A muthafuckin' trophy!
(Written by G-Dub and The Durrr
Performed by Miguel "Bottoms Ups" Francisco
Courtesy of D-Ra(i)l'd Productions, Inc.
Copyright February 2008)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Brothers
Mark slipped the blade of his straight razor between the gun cabinet's doors, crowbarred it open, and with one gloved hand, brought down the shotgun from the top rung. He pulled two shells from the unlocked drawer below and slid them into the barrels, snapping the gun shut with a flick of his wrist. "Woo hoo, good times," he said, repocketing his blade, and took off for the second floor.
Ned Jr. was on his knees in his room, placing blocks one on top of another and knocking them down with a swipe of his skinny arm and a jabbering howl from his pursed lips that shook the bangs of his bowl cut. Mark tapped on the door with the butt of the gun, sliding it behind his back as Ned Jr. looked up.
"What's up, little man?"
"Hi-"
"Whatcha doing?"
"Playing King Kong." Ned Jr. looked down at Mark's hand. "Why are you wearing that glove?"
"My hand's cold-"
"Oh-"
"Is Maury taking good care of you?"
"I hate it when they leave me with him. He's boring-"
Mark laughed. "Tell me about it-" And he closed Ned Jr.'s bedroom door as the boy resumed being an ape. Four steps and he was inside Maury's room, the butt of the shotgun in his armpit, the open ends of the barrels on the boy's forehead. "Hi."
"What the fuck, dude?"
"You didn't say I couldn't come back-"
Maury grabbed the waistband of his jeans. "You can suck my dick, dude-"
Mark jabbed the barrels forward, two perfect red circles swelling instantly over Maury's expressionless face. "Shut the fuck up-"
"Ouch, man, that shit hurts." Maury put a hand to his forehead. "Why are you doing this?"
"You did it-"
"I didn't do nothing, man-"
"Sit there and get some paper and a pen." Mark pointed to Maury's desk with the gun. "You've got to write a letter to your stupid fucking parents, telling them why you killed yourself-"
"I won't fucking do that-"
"And Ned Jr.-"
Maury got up and sat down at his desk, pulling a pack of looseleaf paper and a pen from the top drawer. "Don't hurt my little brother-"
"Are you gonna do it or not?"
"Fuck you-"
"Dude, it doesn't have to be Shakespeare-"
"Don't hurt my little brother is all I ask-"
"Okay." Mark snorted a meatball of snot down his throat. "I'll dictate, you write. Since you're about as bright as that little retard in there-"
"You're lucky you have that fucking gun-"
"Dear Mom and Dad-"
Maury picked up the pen with a shaking hand and began writing, the first letters smearing with a tear that dropped from his eye. After he signed his name, he turned to Mark, who placed the barrels of the gun back above his nose. "Please don't-"
And Mark pulled the trigger, watching as the top of the boy's head detached itself from the rest of his body, the fragile bone dragging along with it hair, blood, brain, neurons, synapses, capillaries, and everything else that once resided just above and behind his best friend's face. The remaining parts of Maury fell sideways onto the floor, and Mark gave the ass one last good kick, then turned slowly at the noise behind him. He took a step forward and put a gloved hand over Ned Jr.'s mouth. "Have you ever been raped and murdered?" he whispered.
Ned Jr. was on his knees in his room, placing blocks one on top of another and knocking them down with a swipe of his skinny arm and a jabbering howl from his pursed lips that shook the bangs of his bowl cut. Mark tapped on the door with the butt of the gun, sliding it behind his back as Ned Jr. looked up.
"What's up, little man?"
"Hi-"
"Whatcha doing?"
"Playing King Kong." Ned Jr. looked down at Mark's hand. "Why are you wearing that glove?"
"My hand's cold-"
"Oh-"
"Is Maury taking good care of you?"
"I hate it when they leave me with him. He's boring-"
Mark laughed. "Tell me about it-" And he closed Ned Jr.'s bedroom door as the boy resumed being an ape. Four steps and he was inside Maury's room, the butt of the shotgun in his armpit, the open ends of the barrels on the boy's forehead. "Hi."
"What the fuck, dude?"
"You didn't say I couldn't come back-"
Maury grabbed the waistband of his jeans. "You can suck my dick, dude-"
Mark jabbed the barrels forward, two perfect red circles swelling instantly over Maury's expressionless face. "Shut the fuck up-"
"Ouch, man, that shit hurts." Maury put a hand to his forehead. "Why are you doing this?"
"You did it-"
"I didn't do nothing, man-"
"Sit there and get some paper and a pen." Mark pointed to Maury's desk with the gun. "You've got to write a letter to your stupid fucking parents, telling them why you killed yourself-"
"I won't fucking do that-"
"And Ned Jr.-"
Maury got up and sat down at his desk, pulling a pack of looseleaf paper and a pen from the top drawer. "Don't hurt my little brother-"
"Are you gonna do it or not?"
"Fuck you-"
"Dude, it doesn't have to be Shakespeare-"
"Don't hurt my little brother is all I ask-"
"Okay." Mark snorted a meatball of snot down his throat. "I'll dictate, you write. Since you're about as bright as that little retard in there-"
"You're lucky you have that fucking gun-"
"Dear Mom and Dad-"
Maury picked up the pen with a shaking hand and began writing, the first letters smearing with a tear that dropped from his eye. After he signed his name, he turned to Mark, who placed the barrels of the gun back above his nose. "Please don't-"
And Mark pulled the trigger, watching as the top of the boy's head detached itself from the rest of his body, the fragile bone dragging along with it hair, blood, brain, neurons, synapses, capillaries, and everything else that once resided just above and behind his best friend's face. The remaining parts of Maury fell sideways onto the floor, and Mark gave the ass one last good kick, then turned slowly at the noise behind him. He took a step forward and put a gloved hand over Ned Jr.'s mouth. "Have you ever been raped and murdered?" he whispered.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Black Holes
"What the fuck is this place, dude?" Bertha Shears' body looked as if God had fucked up royally and put mismatched halves of two different women together and plopped Bertha's head on top. From the waist up, she was straight up, the only things perverting those perfect lines two cupcake-sized breasts, half-moons stuck in orbit in front of the tiny Pluto that was her torso. Below her belt, her hips billowed out, straining against a pair of size 20 generic jeans from Lane Bryant that saw scarred meat flowing over their waistband like lava out of a volcano on Mars. "I've lived here fifteen years and never knew it was back here."
Mark put his hands on his hips and looked at Bertha, whose silhouette in the shack's doorway blocked out the sun behind. With a swivel of his neck, he took in the knotted, cracked boards, the hole in the wall behind him, the webs of hiding spiders in the corners, and the mound of dirt off to one side, a shovel firmly planted in its middle, and grinned. "It's my home away from home." He shrugged. "Actually, it's a tree house that isn't in a tree anymore."
"I thought it was your spaceship-"
"That too-"
He reached out and grabbed Bertha's wrist, pulling her to him and pushing his tongue into her mouth in one motion. Before she could kiss him back, he placed a hand on top of her head and dragged her down along the front of his body until her face was at his zipper. Another second and his pants were around his knees, his tiny erection bobbing at her lips.
Bertha reared back. "Wow, you got a small dick-"
"Shut the fuck up-"
"No, it's cute. I love it-" And she swallowed it - and his balls - in one gulp. Then spit them out, gagging. "Dude, your fuckin' pubes stink-"
"Oh, I haven't showered for a couple weeks-"
Bertha choke-gagged and spit a voluminous ball of saliva from deep in her throat between Mark's legs.
"And I gotta shit-"
She shook her head. "I don't think-" She coughed. "This floor isn't very stable-"
"You know you fucking want it-" Mark stepped out of his jeans and underwear, then locked his hands around her head and shoved his wet little dick into her open mouth, pumping her face until she was sucking him of her own volition. "Going boldy-" Before he could untangle his hands from her straight, shaggy hair, his perineum tightened, shriveling his testicles close to his pelvis and jolting his hips, then his cock, as he blasted three warm tethers of cum into Bertha's mouth.
Mark fell to his knees and fastened his mouth to Bertha's, drinking his cum from her tongue, which he swallowed for the third time that day. He pushed her onto her back and pulled on the waist of her jeans until they slid over her gelatinous hips, the zipper tearing, the button flying into his eye. "Fuck!" Blinking the sting out of his eye with fury, he grabbed her ankles and rammed her legs forward until she was on her shoulders and elbows, the folds of her chubby vagina staring up at him wide-eyed through an alien jungle of slick, matted curly springs of hair.
He rocketed to his feet, squatted over her, and licked her sticky clit with the head of his needle dick. Then loped forward, spreading his ass cheeks with his hands, until he felt her labia kissing his anus, at which he lowered himself further, hermetically sealing them together. With a forceful undulation of his abdomen, he pushed a 2 day-old turd out of his rectum-
"What the fuck?" Bertha twisted away from under him and scooted on her ass into the nearest corner, where she initiated an exploration of her brown, packed vagina. "What's your problem, dude? Why'd you do some sick shit like that?"
"Was that a pun?" Mark laughed. He ran his middle finger deep through his ass crack and flicked the results of his excavation at the crying girl in front of him.
"Jesus Christ!"
"I told you we were gonna space dock-"
"You fucking pervert." Bertha dug the last of Mark's turd from her cunt. "And with that little fucking toothpick-" She pointed. "Ha, I wouldn't've felt it anyway-"
Mark disengaged the shovel from the mound of dirt and held it high above his head, bringing it down with such force that as Bertha's skull split into uneven halves, the rest of his turd propelled from his ass and crashed into the wall behind him. He dislodged the shovel from Bertha's mouth, nose, and brain, then carefully wedged its bloody tip between two floorboards behind him, flipping one up to expose the hole he'd dug the day before. Two more boards and he dragged Bertha's cooling mass across the shack, depositing it into the shallow abyss.
Mark put his hands on his hips and looked at Bertha, whose silhouette in the shack's doorway blocked out the sun behind. With a swivel of his neck, he took in the knotted, cracked boards, the hole in the wall behind him, the webs of hiding spiders in the corners, and the mound of dirt off to one side, a shovel firmly planted in its middle, and grinned. "It's my home away from home." He shrugged. "Actually, it's a tree house that isn't in a tree anymore."
"I thought it was your spaceship-"
"That too-"
He reached out and grabbed Bertha's wrist, pulling her to him and pushing his tongue into her mouth in one motion. Before she could kiss him back, he placed a hand on top of her head and dragged her down along the front of his body until her face was at his zipper. Another second and his pants were around his knees, his tiny erection bobbing at her lips.
Bertha reared back. "Wow, you got a small dick-"
"Shut the fuck up-"
"No, it's cute. I love it-" And she swallowed it - and his balls - in one gulp. Then spit them out, gagging. "Dude, your fuckin' pubes stink-"
"Oh, I haven't showered for a couple weeks-"
Bertha choke-gagged and spit a voluminous ball of saliva from deep in her throat between Mark's legs.
"And I gotta shit-"
She shook her head. "I don't think-" She coughed. "This floor isn't very stable-"
"You know you fucking want it-" Mark stepped out of his jeans and underwear, then locked his hands around her head and shoved his wet little dick into her open mouth, pumping her face until she was sucking him of her own volition. "Going boldy-" Before he could untangle his hands from her straight, shaggy hair, his perineum tightened, shriveling his testicles close to his pelvis and jolting his hips, then his cock, as he blasted three warm tethers of cum into Bertha's mouth.
Mark fell to his knees and fastened his mouth to Bertha's, drinking his cum from her tongue, which he swallowed for the third time that day. He pushed her onto her back and pulled on the waist of her jeans until they slid over her gelatinous hips, the zipper tearing, the button flying into his eye. "Fuck!" Blinking the sting out of his eye with fury, he grabbed her ankles and rammed her legs forward until she was on her shoulders and elbows, the folds of her chubby vagina staring up at him wide-eyed through an alien jungle of slick, matted curly springs of hair.
He rocketed to his feet, squatted over her, and licked her sticky clit with the head of his needle dick. Then loped forward, spreading his ass cheeks with his hands, until he felt her labia kissing his anus, at which he lowered himself further, hermetically sealing them together. With a forceful undulation of his abdomen, he pushed a 2 day-old turd out of his rectum-
"What the fuck?" Bertha twisted away from under him and scooted on her ass into the nearest corner, where she initiated an exploration of her brown, packed vagina. "What's your problem, dude? Why'd you do some sick shit like that?"
"Was that a pun?" Mark laughed. He ran his middle finger deep through his ass crack and flicked the results of his excavation at the crying girl in front of him.
"Jesus Christ!"
"I told you we were gonna space dock-"
"You fucking pervert." Bertha dug the last of Mark's turd from her cunt. "And with that little fucking toothpick-" She pointed. "Ha, I wouldn't've felt it anyway-"
Mark disengaged the shovel from the mound of dirt and held it high above his head, bringing it down with such force that as Bertha's skull split into uneven halves, the rest of his turd propelled from his ass and crashed into the wall behind him. He dislodged the shovel from Bertha's mouth, nose, and brain, then carefully wedged its bloody tip between two floorboards behind him, flipping one up to expose the hole he'd dug the day before. Two more boards and he dragged Bertha's cooling mass across the shack, depositing it into the shallow abyss.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Aight
"Yo, what up nigger?"
"Did you just call me nigger?"
"Hey, hey, man, you can't say nigger-"
"Why not? You just called me a nigger-"
"Cause you white, you ain't no nigger-"
"What the fuck? I was just repeating what you said-"
"You can say cracker-"
"So can you-"
"Yeah, but my peeps been in slavery for 600 years-"
"I ain't enslaving nobody. As a matter of fact, I support my black brothers-" Mark clasped hands with Donte, exchanging a tight wad of five twenties for a sliver of alumimum foil folded flat several times over, which he slowly slipped into the front pocket of jeans. "So take that motherfucker. Besides, y'all like being called that-"
"Fuck you say-"
"What's the name of your gang?"
"The Cedarville Niggers-"
"All right then-"
"Man, we takin' ownership of that shit-"
"Whatever. I'm fuckin' white as a ghost and I don't like bein' called nigger-"
"Damn, motherfucker, there you go again-" Donte glanced his knuckles off the side of Mark's ribs through his leather jacket and laughed. "You a crazy motherfuckin' white boy-"
"Cracker. Get that shit right-"
Donte laughed again and ran his hand lightly over his cornrows as he looked around. He nodded towards a security guard walking their way. "You wanna smoke-"
"Sure-"
"Let's get the fuck outta here-"
Donte put a key in the door of an old burgundy Cadillac that sparkled in the twilight. "Here's my lady-" He locked the doors after Mark got in, pushed the gas pedal three times, then turned the ignition. "Purrin' like a fuckin' kitten-"
Mark laughed, watching the mall grow smaller through his tinted window as Donte pulled onto the highway. He reached into the glove box and grabbed a small box. Flipping the lid, he pulled out a plastic baggie filled with weed and rolling papers and set to crafting two of the skinniest joints ever known to mankind.
Donte jerked the car into Mark's neighborhood, sped past 20 or 30 cloned single-family homes and softly alighted onto a narrow blacktop that stretched around the back of the community's electrical power boxes. Out of sight, he jerked the key backwards and turned down the radio. "Gimme some of that shit-"
Mark handed one of the toothpicks to Donte and watched as the only 21 year-old Cedarville High lit and sucked down half of his perfectly cylindrical creation. Donte handed Mark the joint as he began choking, waving the smoke pouring from his chest out of his face. "Smoke the rest of that white boy's dick, will you?"
Mark grinned and obliged his friend, burning his lungs and fingertips with the rest of the twig. He stubbed the remaining millimeter in the ashtray and exhaled, the veins in his forehead straining with the force of his gagging. He picked up the other string of a joint and handed it to Donte. "Here-"
Another two drags between them and several thousand coughs and they lay back against their leather headrests. "Is is it true what they say about you," said Donte.
"What's that?"
"That you're a faggot?"
"Who says that?"
"People-"
"That's funny. They say you're on the DL-"
Donte laughed. He punched Mark's knee. "Man, I got nothin' 'gainst faggots." He coughed. "You know Larry-"
"Yeah-"
"I let him suck my dick before-"
"Really? Why?"
"Motherfucker owed me three hundred dollars. But he only had two hundred. So I said, 'Suck my dick and you ain't gotta worry 'bout the other hundred.' I was just kiddin'. Next thing I know, nigger on his knees with my dick in his mouth-"
Mark laughed. "What the fuck?"
"Best head I ever got-" Donte turned his bloodshot eyes to Mark and shifted in his seat.
"Ha-" Mark closed his eyes, giggling.
And Donte's lips brushed against his, the man's large knotty hand guiding Mark's to his crotch-
"Did you just call me nigger?"
"Hey, hey, man, you can't say nigger-"
"Why not? You just called me a nigger-"
"Cause you white, you ain't no nigger-"
"What the fuck? I was just repeating what you said-"
"You can say cracker-"
"So can you-"
"Yeah, but my peeps been in slavery for 600 years-"
"I ain't enslaving nobody. As a matter of fact, I support my black brothers-" Mark clasped hands with Donte, exchanging a tight wad of five twenties for a sliver of alumimum foil folded flat several times over, which he slowly slipped into the front pocket of jeans. "So take that motherfucker. Besides, y'all like being called that-"
"Fuck you say-"
"What's the name of your gang?"
"The Cedarville Niggers-"
"All right then-"
"Man, we takin' ownership of that shit-"
"Whatever. I'm fuckin' white as a ghost and I don't like bein' called nigger-"
"Damn, motherfucker, there you go again-" Donte glanced his knuckles off the side of Mark's ribs through his leather jacket and laughed. "You a crazy motherfuckin' white boy-"
"Cracker. Get that shit right-"
Donte laughed again and ran his hand lightly over his cornrows as he looked around. He nodded towards a security guard walking their way. "You wanna smoke-"
"Sure-"
"Let's get the fuck outta here-"
Donte put a key in the door of an old burgundy Cadillac that sparkled in the twilight. "Here's my lady-" He locked the doors after Mark got in, pushed the gas pedal three times, then turned the ignition. "Purrin' like a fuckin' kitten-"
Mark laughed, watching the mall grow smaller through his tinted window as Donte pulled onto the highway. He reached into the glove box and grabbed a small box. Flipping the lid, he pulled out a plastic baggie filled with weed and rolling papers and set to crafting two of the skinniest joints ever known to mankind.
Donte jerked the car into Mark's neighborhood, sped past 20 or 30 cloned single-family homes and softly alighted onto a narrow blacktop that stretched around the back of the community's electrical power boxes. Out of sight, he jerked the key backwards and turned down the radio. "Gimme some of that shit-"
Mark handed one of the toothpicks to Donte and watched as the only 21 year-old Cedarville High lit and sucked down half of his perfectly cylindrical creation. Donte handed Mark the joint as he began choking, waving the smoke pouring from his chest out of his face. "Smoke the rest of that white boy's dick, will you?"
Mark grinned and obliged his friend, burning his lungs and fingertips with the rest of the twig. He stubbed the remaining millimeter in the ashtray and exhaled, the veins in his forehead straining with the force of his gagging. He picked up the other string of a joint and handed it to Donte. "Here-"
Another two drags between them and several thousand coughs and they lay back against their leather headrests. "Is is it true what they say about you," said Donte.
"What's that?"
"That you're a faggot?"
"Who says that?"
"People-"
"That's funny. They say you're on the DL-"
Donte laughed. He punched Mark's knee. "Man, I got nothin' 'gainst faggots." He coughed. "You know Larry-"
"Yeah-"
"I let him suck my dick before-"
"Really? Why?"
"Motherfucker owed me three hundred dollars. But he only had two hundred. So I said, 'Suck my dick and you ain't gotta worry 'bout the other hundred.' I was just kiddin'. Next thing I know, nigger on his knees with my dick in his mouth-"
Mark laughed. "What the fuck?"
"Best head I ever got-" Donte turned his bloodshot eyes to Mark and shifted in his seat.
"Ha-" Mark closed his eyes, giggling.
And Donte's lips brushed against his, the man's large knotty hand guiding Mark's to his crotch-
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