Jerkin'

Mark unscrewed the shower head from the extension and snuck the end of the rubber tube an inch up his ass, the warm water pouring slowly into his intestines until he could no longer stand the pressure against his bladder. He flipped off the water, popped the tube out of his asshole and stepped out wet and cold onto the bathroom rug. Then sat on the toilet, his ass cheeks spread so far apart he thought he was going to rip in half, and forced, through an amazing act of willed peristalsis, the contents of his guts into the toilet.

Several wipes and two flushes and he tiptoed naked across the hall to his bedroom, locking the door behind him. He grabbed the Astroglide, squirted too much into his hand, then thoroughly lubed the 12 X 8-inch dildo suctioned onto his wooden chair, as well as his puckering hole. Turning around, he grabbed the slippery dildo behind him and backed up until it was snugly between his cheeks. With a deep breath, he impaled himself an inch at a time, only stopping because the chair wouldn't let him go any farther. He rocked back and forth, alternating this with wide circles of his hips, as he watched the pre-cum drip from his tiny cock in waves. He grabbed it and began to stroke, his head thrown back as his brain pulsed images to his tight, leathery chode
















and he splattered 9 or 10 - or was it 20? - thick ropes of semen across his small room, the first 3 kissing his New York Giants curtain. Then fell forward off the dildo with a echoing plop. He lay there soaking in his cum, panting and giggling, ready for another go at the dildo whose slick, lubed surface reflected the light of his desk lamp into his eyes, either mocking or challenging him.

Really? No, wait...Really?!

newhazeleyedWOMAN
I'm an open-minded, free spirit looking for a STRONG but sensitive man

Active within 24 hours

* 29-year-old woman
* Cedarville, Maryland
* seeking men 30-50
* within 100 miles of Cedarville, Maryland, United States

Relationships: Never Married
Have kids: No
Want kids: Definitely
Ethnicity:

* White / Caucasian

Body type: Svelte
Height: 5'2" (157cms)
Religion: Christian / Other
Smoke: No
Drink: No Answer

About my life and what I'm looking for

I'm looking for someone with similar interests. I’m a college professor who enjoys the good things in life – good books, movies, art, the outdoors, quiet nights at home, expensive dinners, cute pets, etc. I want a man who can keep up with me and provide a strongly independent woman like myself with the life that I deserve. I think my man should be strong and unafraid of getting his hands dirty. But at the same time, he should know how to hold me without crushing me. And not to be mean or come off as rude, but anyone under 30, take a hike! I’ve found that men that young are just way too immature and juvenile. Really, I can’t stand them. And one other thing: shorties – in every respect, if you know what I mean, hehe – need not apply. I like BIG men – in more ways than one, if you catch my drift.

I love quirky comedies like Two and a Half Men and The Wedding Singer. I like wine and beer and cornbread. I have a great sense of humor (some friends think I should do stand-up!), and I like others who are not afraid to be funny. But funny in a wholesome way. Scatological jokes are not funny. Jokes about rape and incest and murder are not funny, either. Dogs are cute.

I participate in the Louis Armstrong OutLoud Challenge 5K run every month to support fundraising for those with damaged vocal chords. This cause is very personal, as my mother damaged her voice box years ago in a terrible kitchen accident and hasn’t sounded right since.

I'm a Washington Redskins fan (sorry Giants fans! (you losers!)) since I grew up in MD. I'm not into watching sports, but I don’t mind watching them if you’re into them, as long as you don’t mind a great movie like Armageddon later in the evening. I love watching movies, but I stay away from the scary stuff. I almost died and couldn’t sleep in the dark for months after watching The Dentist.

About me

Hair: Dark brown
Eyes: Hazel
Sports and exercise:

* Dancing
* Running
* Swimming
* Walking / Hiking
* Yoga

Exercise habits: Exercise 6-7 times per week
Interests:

* Camping
* Coffee and conversation
* Cooking
* Dining out
* Exploring new areas
* Kayaking
* Movies/Videos
* Museums and art
* Music and concerts
* Nightclubs/Dancing
* Performing arts
* Travel/Sightseeing
* Volunteering
* Wine tasting

Education: PhD
Occupation: Teaching
Income: $30,001 to $49,000
Languages:

* English

Politics: Very Liberal
Sign: Sagittarius
Pets I have:

* None

Pets I like:

* Dogs

About my date

Hair: Dark (Brown or Black)
Eyes: Dark
Height: 6'0" (183cms) to 7'0" (213cms)
Body type:

* Stocky

Languages:

* English

Ethnicity: No Answer
Faith:

* Christian / Other

Education:

* College Graduate

Job: Yes
Income: $150,001 to $10,000,000
Smoke: No Way!
Drink: Social Drinker
Relationships:

* No Answer

Have kids:

* No Answer

Want kids:

* Definitely


In my own words

for fun:

I enjoy kayaking, reading, watching movies, fancy dinners, cute doggies, and walks on the beach…

my education:

I went to Cedarville Community College in MD and got my BA, Masters, and PhD in English.

favorite hot spots:

I love the beach, especially Ocean City, MD. I also enjoy going into the city to tour museums, restaurants, clothes stores, and my favorite store, Spencer’s. But I’d much prefer to be at home with my honey, spending some ‘special time’ together with some items from Spencer’s, if you know what I mean.

favorite things:

I mostly listen to soft rock. The only music I don't really like is heavy metal, rap, emo, goth, new wave, ‘80s, Britpop, grunge, classic rock, and hard rock. I don't watch much TV, but Two and a Half Men is my favorite; it’s so deep. Some movies I love are The Wedding Singer, Armageddon, Beethoven and Beethoven II, and the Ernest movies. As you can tell, I love comedies with an ‘edge.’

last read:

Reading is something I’m very passionate about. I was an English major in college, so I've read a wide variety of genres. My favorites are the classics, especially the modern classics, like Gangbangaz, Niggaz and Wiggaz, and Crack Pipez for Homey. And let me state this here for all to see: PORNOGRAPHY IS NOT LITERATURE! Graphic sex and violence don’t make a book ‘literary.’ It is sickening and disgusting and does nothing more than harm minorities, children, and women. People who like books like that are sick, small-minded, and have lots of screws loose. I know because I’m an English professor!

my pets:

Spiders, frogs, and dogs are my favorite animals. A funny story: I used to have two frogs and 8 spiders, but since I didn’t know much about keeping them at first, the frogs ate all the spiders, then turned on each other. I ended up with only one frog – he was so cute, I used to pick him up and kiss him every day, hoping he’d turn into my Prince – who died eventually from all the toxins he’d swallowed from eating all the spiders and the other frog. Who knew? So never again. I’ll just look at pictures of them. But I do want a dog. They’re cute and furry and yap a lot.

****************************************

Mark looked down to Dick's gigantic, clown-sized feet, then up into his eyes. They smirked at each other. "So tell me," said Mark, "why the fuck do you have a profile on there too?"