The Willing Unwilling (or How to Mung Friends and Influence People)

Mark cocked his bored, spikey head and looked from Dick to Dill, sighing through his turned-up nose.

"I'm keeping it," she said.

Dick's eyes remained on the ground, and as he spoke, his head wobbled from side to side. "I'm not ready to be a father-"

"You should've thought of that when you fucked me without a rubber-"

"You should've thought of that when you told me you were on the pill-"

"I was!"

"Yeah, right-"

"It's only ninety-nine percent effective-"

"You sucking my chode is only ninety-nine percent effective-"

"Oh, you son of a bitch-"

"Fucking boogit-"

Dill sat down on the bed and let out a short yelp. "You are so fucking frustrating-"

"Moi?"

"Yes, yoi. And why the fuck do you say boogit all the time?"

"Because it's fucking awesome, that's why-"

Dill looked over to Mark.

Mark nodded. "It is pretty awesome-"

"You fucking guys are all alike-"

Dick finally looked up. And looked Dill in the eyes. "I can give you the money to take care of it-"

"You damn will give me the money to take care of it. Every fucking week-"

"No, to take care of it now-"

"Fuck that-"

"No, fuck that-"

Dill sighed. "Look, I've always wanted a baby. And I want this one. I'm keeping it."

Dick looked over at Mark. "I don't know what to do-"

"Mung," said Mark.

"What?"

"What?"

Mark laughed. "Nothing." And he laughed some more, crossing his arms and rubbing his hands over his taut triceps. "Anybody want a drink? Dill?"

"Yeah, a Coke. I can't drink alcohol while I'm pregnant-"

"Nick?"

"Dude, it's Dick, for the last time-"

Mark giggled. "Sorry. I just like calling people by other names. Shit, I call myself Mike half the time. What do you want?"

"A Coke too-"

Mark winked at Dick and rose. The plastic covering the floor creaked under his bare feet as he made his way to the bedroom door. In the kitchen, he poured Coke into three glasses, slipping two tiny, white pills into the third. After it dissolved completely, he stirred it with a spoon and took the stairs two at a time, the three glasses tight in his two hands. He opened the bedroom door and almost dropped the drinks as he walked into the middle of a deep kiss between Dill and Dick. "You fucking sluts," he said, giggling. "Isn't this how all this started?"

As they separated, Dill leaning back onto the bed and Dick sitting back into Mark's desk chair, Mark handed them their drinks. Dick gulped his and sat it on the desk, next to Mark's keyboard; Dill finished hers in a swig and placed the empty glass on the windowsill next to Mark's. Mark climbed up in the bed next to Dill, their legs pressing together. He looked to Dick and raised his eyebrows. Then leaned over and grabbed Dill's mouth with his own, his tongue barreling between her teeth.

As he came up for air, Mark looked back at Dick, who was already naked and hard, then turned back to Dill, his hands working fast at her clothes and his own. Completely disrobed, they rolled onto the plastic-covered floor, panting and moaning like zombies out of a B-movie, Dill on her back, Dick at her obese pussy, and Mark straddling her face, his pinprick of an asshole staring Dick in the eye familiarly.

Mark rubbed his shaved sack against Dill's lips, his cockhole dripping pre-cum onto her nose, until he saw her eyes flutter then roll back into her head. He put a hand over her mouth and nose to make sure she wasn't breathing anymore. Then stood up, turned around, and leaned against the wall. With two steps, he jumped as high as he could, his knees hitting his chest, and stomped his heels into the top of Dill's stomach at a 45 degree-angle with all the power of his legs, his feet tearing through the flesh and fat to the womb below.

Dick fell back against the opposite wall with a loud bang that the empty house couldn't hear, choking and smeared in blood, shit, and amniotic fluid. He picked furiously at his face, pulling from between his lips a small, slimy boomerang of rubber that was his son or daughter. He threw it onto Dill's concave stomach - the skinniest she'd ever been, no doubt - and it bounced onto Mark's left foot. He looked up to Mark, one hand still clawing at his slick face and wide eyes, the other shaking uncontrollably on his side. "Dude, what the fuck?"

"You said you weren't ready to be a father-"