Bieber to Officiate Cedarville 10K
By Dustin Ruxefjord
Evening Gazette Staff Writer
Cedarville - Critically-acclaimed international pop star Justin Bieber will officiate this year's Annual Cedarville 10K in downtown Cedarville, Maryland, The Evening Gazette has just confirmed. Bieber, 15, will fire the starting gun of the yearly event and hand out trophies to the winners of all age- and gender-related competitions, including the Open 10K, which is open to all competitors, except those who race professionally.
"This is quite a coup for the Cedarville 10K," said Harry Papp, the race's organizer, as well as one of its most feared competitors. "To have someone of Justin's - nay, Mr. Bieber's - stature and talent officiating our little race is...wow, I just can't put it into words."
But the events' combatants are not the only ones excited by Bieber's appearance - the ultra-talented singer is a major sex symbol to pre-teen girls, desperate homosexuals of both sexes, and pedophiles the world over. The turnout for this year's event is expected to exceed those of the race's entire 215-year history combined. Especially as there will be a special incentive for those who show up to compete, according to Bieber himself.
Reached by telephone this week, Bieber had this to say: "Yo! What up, Cedarville! East side! Thank you for having me and thank you to all the fans. And just to up the ante, the top 5 finishers in each category will receive free front-row tickets to my concert the following night, with the winner of the Open Category receiving the privilege of hanging for the day with yours truly. Peace out, my Cedarville homies!"
The Annual Cedarville 10K will be held on June 19th, weather permitting. The starting gun will go off at 8:03 a.m. after a performance of "One Less Lonely Girl" by Bieber. Competitors and spectators may sign up for the event at the Cedarville Community Center; fees are $25 for runners and $15 for spectators. Good luck to all who participate.
Pamela Pohanka contributed to this report.
6 comments:
This will be the defining moment of your life, Mark. Don't let anyone take it away from you ... though if someone does, well, Satan have mercy on their soul!
Smear the Papp!
Mr. Ruxefjord was smart to choose print journalism rather than radio or TV journalism. No one would be able to comprehend his mush-mouth mumbling.
I'd like to contribute my penis to Pamela Pohanka's perpetually pussing pussy. Please.
THESE NIGGERS OY DREW MY PICTURE WITH CHALK AND THEY OY SPIT ON IT WITH THEIR PENISES
I'm watching a man breast feed a baby on fit tv named Donte.
Post a Comment